All grown up

Time goes by too fast. So fast that I forgot to have that important talk with my youngest kid about the evils of premarital sex. It’s a good thing she’s only a cat.

Is it possible that it has already been almost five months since I brought that tiny little kitten home from work? It seems like only a few weeks have passed since she was starving for a bottle full of kitten formula, but now she’s hungry for something entirely different. Unfortunately for us and every living thing within a 5 mile radius, our “kitten” is in heat.

It started one day last week. I noticed that she was incessantly licking herself and making strange noises – something between a meow and a purr that resembles the sound one would expect from a chipmunk. Being the ever-doting parent, I immediately placed her in the cat carrier and whisked her to the vet’s office for a checkup. You can imagine my surprise when I was told that she might be going into heat. I assured the vet that she was only around four months old, but a quick check of her records showed that she will soon be six months of age.

Since the holidays are quickly approaching and we wouldn’t have been able to give her our undivided attention while she recuperated, I scheduled her surgery for the 27th. In the meantime, we have to live with the antics of a feline who acts like she’s on Ecstacy.

I tend to humanize my pets, often referring to them as my children, talking to them as if they understand English, and sparing no expense on doctor’s visits and food. You can’t possibly comprehend how much it bothers me when my male cat, Twinkie, tries to mate with his “sister.” Even though he’s fixed and seems clueless about what he’s doing (I never had “the talk” with him, either), it sickens me that two of my kids are trying to reproduce. Ugh.

Macy Gray drives us crazy at all hours of the night – rolling around, making that annoying chipmunk sound, sticking her butt in the air. We’ve taken to affectionately calling her “Mommy’s little whore” or “Daddy’s little slut”, but she doesn’t seem to care.

I tried to talk some sense into her this evening when I explained that in a little over one week from now she will go to the vet to have her insides scooped out. I hoped that she would take our little chat to heart and stop the hormonal antics, but she promptly left my lap and began rolling around on the floor with all four legs in the air.

Damn cat.


Author: Brian

Blogger. Bookworm. Michael Jackson fanatic. Lives in Kentucky with partner of 12 years and three fabulous felines.

7 thoughts on “All grown up”

  1. I agree, the sound of a cat in heat is the most annoying thing ever.

    Months ago, before my Roscoe and Enos were fixed, or even of age to be. I kept having to run off a horny neighborhood “tom” from our carport with my trusty broom. There’s nothing like a mother’s scorn when she turns on the porch light to see her “baby” being mounted right there in public.

  2. oh brian, i know this horniness well. we let our cat chloe have one litter of kittens before we spayed her b/c she is just the coolest cat ever. (we had homes for the kittens while they were still hypothetical, so we were not too irresponsible…)

    the time she was in heat was insane. it’s like she lost all the bones in her body; she was just this wriggling hormonal mess that loved to back herself up onto chairs, feet, ew. anything.

    …AND. we caught her copulating in the ivy just off our porch. it was wrong wrong wrong. but the kittens (save for our little gunnie RIP) are now gorgeous grownups with fabulous personalities.

    the end.

  3. I’m sorry, Brian, but this is just hilarious. I picture Macy slutting around the Christmas tree or lounging provocatively under the mistletoe, hoping for a little pre-teen action. I hope you survive!

  4. @ ohchicken: Your fur-babies are gorgeous!

    @ MBMQ: I think we’re out of the woods. She’s been back to normal the last few days. Well, as close to normal as a half-grown cat can be, anyway. ;)

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