Deja vu

Coming out is a never ending process. Exiting the proverbial closet is just the first step in a lifetime of disclosures about one’s sexual orientation, and I find myself constantly coming out to complete strangers – usually more out of necessity than anything else.

I recently decided to face my inevitable mortality and purchase life insurance – something that I’ve avoided even thinking about up until the past few months. During a telephone conversation yesterday with an insurance salesman, I explained that I wanted my partner to be the beneficiary on my policy. “Business partner or personal partner?” the salesman asked, providing me with yet another opportunity to out myself. He seemed unfazed by my answer, which is usually the case.

We are in the process of getting central heating and air conditioning installed in our home, which has resulted in several strangers having access to the house while we aren’t there. Although we haven’t had to verbally confirm our relationship, I am sure our lifestyle is quite evident. I noticed last night that I had a book laying on the desk in our office titled Love Makes A Family: Portraits of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Parents and Their Families. We also have photos scattered around the house of ourselves as a couple.

Up next, hiring a lawyer and setting up a will – one of the many legal precautions I have to take as a gay man to ensure that my partner isn’t left homeless in the event of my passing. Almost fifteen years after first summoning the courage to tell another human being the truth, I’ll get another chance to do it all over again.

Author: Brian

Blogger. Bookworm. Michael Jackson fanatic. Lives in Kentucky with partner of 11 years and three fabulous felines.

8 thoughts on “Deja vu”

  1. It’s a shame that you have to take that extra precautionary step that I take for granted. :( – I hope that came out right!

    My hope is that everyone will get the same marital rights sooner rather than later.

  2. “Coming out is a never ending process. Exiting the proverbial closet is just the first step in a lifetime of disclosures about one’s sexual orientation, and I find myself constantly coming out to complete strangers – usually more out of necessity than anything else.”
    I think you have described this way better than I have fumbled through describing how coming out has been an ongoing “becoming out” process over the last decade or so. Thank you Brian!

  3. @ Randomability: It came out just fine! I hope so, too. It would certainly save alot of time and money if we had those rights automatically.

    @ bridgeout: I think “becoming out” is a rather wonderful way of describing the process!

  4. I, too, am perpetually in the closet, and it’s really a challenge for me to out myself. I often wonder whether that isn’t one factor that drives some of us to such flamboyance — being stereotypically gay means you never have to surprise anyone past your first impression. But that’s not who I am.

    I think this is the real key difference between the 1964 civil rights battle and ours: we can hide, and many (most?) of us do, out of habit/upbringing/convenience/fear.

    My kids are 17/19 and they’ve outed me to more people (all their school friends) than I’ve come out to myself.

    One of the stressors in my life is remembering to whom I’m out and whom not, especially if some of each are in the room. That … sounds really pathetic, I know, but somehow jumping the hurdle across someone’s expectations of me is something I’ve never ever been good at.

  5. BTW, I have to say that I love when you blog, because you always give me things to think about, many of which prompt me to write.

  6. @ Mario: I’ve never considered that as a reason that some are so flamboyant, but it makes perfect sense. Thanks so much for your compliment. I’d love to read what you’re writing. Do you have a blog?

    @ Alyson: It was local and what was even more surprising is the salesman is quite religious. =)

  7. Yes! I agree that “Becoming Out” is a better way of describing the process. I recently out-ed myself to a colleage! YAY!

    All the best!

    Josh

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