Letter from my father


When I made the decision to come out to my parents several years ago, I feared that my father would take it the hardest. I was even somewhat fearful of his reaction, but it turned out that I had judged him completely wrong. A few days later, he gave me a handwritten note on a folded up piece of paper that had “To Brian, From Dad” on the outside. This is what he wrote:

Love for children
Love for animals
Love for nature & its beauty
Lack of prejudice
Talent for singing
Talent for making people laugh
Sense of humor
Love of giving things
Ability to see through phony issues
Willingness to work

This is a list of a few things that make me proud to tell people that you are my boy. It took about 5 min to think of these.

Author: Brian

Blogger. Bookworm. Michael Jackson fanatic. Lives in Kentucky with partner of 12 years and three fabulous felines.

10 thoughts on “Letter from my father”

  1. Oh, Brian,
    That is so sweet and great!!!

    You are very lucky to have a dad who would “tell” you those things, even if it was on paper, at least you can go back and read it time and time again!

    Your dad just earned some major brownie points with this post!!! LOL

    Love ya,

  2. thank you so much for sharing this, brian! i often wonder how my father would’ve reacted had he still been living when i came out. as it is, my mother (the worship leader at her pentecostal church) similarly told me as i asked if she thought differently of me, “you are my daughter, my baby, and i love you”.

    she’s most definitely not heading up a chapter of pflag, but she is doing her best to love me well and enjoy the fact that i’m happy.

  3. This list makes me love your daddy all the more!

    I have to wonder: how many children (of any age) are there out there who never get anything from their papas–for any reason? I sure didn’t. And oh, how I wished for something that would have me know that my father saw and affirmed me.

    I am so grateful that God has given me other people to give what my father could not.

  4. I’m sorry for the comment I made about your logo in the other thread … that was really curt and nasty of me. I read some more of your blogs and saw that you’re really an amiable guy.

    And this is a really kind note from your dad and I’m sure every thing on that list is true.

    I totally agree with you that conservative christians are utterly sinful in their failure to embrace homosexuals. Conservatives want to stab people on the homosexuality and abortion issues–yet are slower to give easy answers to their own problems of materialism, imperialistic politics, the environment, etc. It’s a way for them to place evil outside of themselves rather than ever-present in their own hearts.

    And I read your other posts on how God is love, and what he’s mostly interested in is redeeming people and their hearts, and this is all true.

    Do you feel like there’s anything wrong with this thought progression? “God is love. And I love my money. Therefore I’m showing God’s love by loving my money.”

    Is that ridiculous?

    Well that’s kind of how I feel about the homosexuality issue. You’re taking a beautiful thing–the fact that God is love–and attaching it positively to something that the Bible in all cases speaks negatively about.

    Where does the Bible talk about homosexuality? (You probably know better than me.) When Lot goes into the city that God calls “wicked”, Sodom, he finds masses of homosexual men who want to have sex with him and his companions. God has an angel smite them with blindness and then when they leave the city he burns it with fire. Also in the old convenant, under Jewish law, homosexuals were stoned.

    Moving into the NT In Romans 1 or 2 (can’t remember where exactly) Paul talks about “men burning in their lust for one another, exchanging the natural for that which is unnatural.” He places this in the midst of his description of what a thoroughly sinful human being looks like.

    Several times in the NT Paul speaks against homosexuality and pederasty (1 Corinthians 6:9).

    Then there’s the fact that not once does God talk about or smile upon any homosexual relationship or union in the Bible.


    Homosexuality is certainly no greater a sin than materialism or heterosexual lust. Homosexuals simply have the disadvantage of having to wear it on their sleeve … and I imagine that is a difficult, demoralizing struggle.

    Homosexuals are in no way second class citizens. God redeems and loves us all.

    But to think that God condones and supports homosexual relationships (no matter how loving they may be) is a total failure to understand God’s word and His nature.


  5. Oh also I wanted to add one other thought ….

    There’s absolutely nothing negative about God making someone more effeminate or masculine than someone else … he never makes a mistake in how He makes any of us and He has a plan for us exactly as we are.

    But he also puts temptations in our path to refine us and sanctify us so that we might know more of His love. The lustful heterosexual man glorifies God when he refrains from that and does right … the homosexual man glorifies God when he refrains from that and does right. The greedy man glorifies God when He gives His money to the poor.

  6. to andrew,

    i don’t follow your logic about i love God, i love money, therefore i am loving God by loving money. it just doesn’t jibe with the issue of homosexuality.

    for someone like you who is convinced that homosexuality is a sin–or at the very least, a temptation–, what i am about to say will probably hold little weight. but try to hear me.

    first, we have to drop the comparison of homosexuality to lust, greed, etc. think of yourself, i’m assuming a heterosexual man. you love God. therefore, you seek a relationship, a partnership, with a woman that will be healthy and glorify God.

    homosexuals who love God are in the same boat. our partnerships, when sought under the same circumstances, are an attempt to glorify God just as earnestly.

    your interpretation of the isolated verses in the bible about “fornicators” might always prevent you from seeing this. (i refrain from using the word “homosexuals” in regards to the bible, as the word wasn’t added to the bible until the middle of the 20th century.)

    and squeamishness about the sex act between 2 men or 2 women probably plays into your stance as well.

    glorifying God does not mean celibacy for a gay person. it means refraining from promiscuous behavior.

    my sexuality is not a temptation in my path; it’s merely a facet of who i am.

    i hope that someday, homosexuality will be seen for what it is, instead of just another sin. i for one am exhausted by the condescending, patronizing phrase, “love the sinner, hate the sin”.

  7. Andrew,

    I appreciate your apology.

    As far as Bible verses go, I believe many verses that people think are negative about homosexuality are actually referring to sex in idol worship, pederasty, male rape, and enslavement. The following article breaks each verse down in an easy-to-understand way:


    Do you feel like there’s anything wrong with this thought progression? “God is love. And I love my money. Therefore I’m showing God’s love by loving my money.”

    I understand what you mean, but I think that loving a human being is far more godly than loving money could be. If man was truly made by God and in God’s image, then loving another human can’t be evil.

    I agree that we all have temptations, although I don’t think that God does it. I also fail to see a parallel between a heterosexual male’s lust and that of a homosexual. Fornication is usually the inevitable outcome of lust, and the reason that God doesn’t condone it. However, the heterosexual male is allowed to marry and consummate his relationship, while the homosexual is not. Does that mean that I am destined to live my life alone, simply because my sexuality falls on some religious taboo list? I don’t think so.

    Thanks for your comments! ;)

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