My invisible partner

I love receiving holiday greeting cards. It’s such a thrill to go to the mailbox expecting to see a stack of bills, but instead finding envelopes stuffed with photos of smiling faces, little handwritten notes, and festive decorations. They almost never fail to bring a smile to my face. Almost.

Coming from an extremely religious family, I often receive holiday cards that are addressed to only me. Everyone that knows me is aware that I live with my partner, that we are a couple, and that we have been together for over two years. I can’t imagine sending a Christmas card to a household with two people and only addressing the card to one of them. It seems incredibly rude.

I know that this is their feeble attempt at ignoring something that they strongly disagree with, but I’d almost rather not even receive their card. It shames me, though not in the way they might have wished. It embarrasses me that my family is so backwards and intolerant that they can’t put their religious beliefs aside long enough to wish someone a Merry Christmas.

After a few weeks of procrastinating, I finally got around to mailing out our greeting cards earlier this week. Every card that I mailed was signed in the exact same manner: Love, Brian and Honey. I must admit that it gives me a little rush to know the recipient can no longer pretend that my partner doesn’t exist.

Maybe next year I’ll just superimpose Honey’s face on this card and send it to everyone:


Author: Brian

Blogger. Bookworm. Michael Jackson fanatic. Lives in Kentucky with partner of 12 years and three fabulous felines.

9 thoughts on “My invisible partner”

  1. I want one of those cards! LOL.

    I’m glad you posted this. When I mail your card I always debate if I should address the outside to both of you or not. I always end up addressing it to you both, (at least I think I do). It’s not that I don’t want you both to have a great Christmas, I just didn’t want to out you to the mailman against your wishes.

  2. @ Alyson: It’s not the outside that bothers me so badly. It’s when the inside only says “Brian,”.

    I like the way our church addresses mail to gay couples. They simply put “The LastName/LastName Family”. ;)

  3. I understand your frustration. My family is very accepting of my relationship but my girlfriend’s parents would rather just ignore the fact that I even exist. It’s like the pink elephant in the room– they will not speak to me unless I speak first and anything that they have to say in response is usually one syllable. But I digress… I hope you both have a wonderful Christmas.

  4. @ Alyson: They handle those the same way. :)

    @ Stephanie: I know exactly what you mean. My partner often feels uncomfortable when we’re around members of my family.

    @ Wendy: That is really sad. I can’t imagine what some people are thinking, but I believe in karma, so they had better watch out.

  5. It’s not just gay couples who fall victim to this passive-aggressive rudeness. I’m almost always left off the envelope when family and some friends send cards to Buck … I’m just invisible to them. Both our mothers died around the same time, and while Buck received many cards of condolence from these people, I didn’t receive a single card. As the invisible one in this relationship, I can tell you it’s painful to be left out. It makes me feel really, really bad and I can’t help but wonder why they can’t make the simple, loving gesture of putting my name on the card? Truthfully, I get kind of weepy over it.

  6. Who said you could post my picture? lol

    I only have this problem with my 84 year old grandmother, and I think she just forgets, really.

    Usually the envelopes from the rest of our families are addressed to one or the other of us, but the cards are always to both. Last night, for example, we received one from Norm’s aunt addressed to him, but inside the card itself it said “Merry X-Mas Jamie and Norm, Love Aunt XXXX.” My name was first! Sometimes it just takes time on their part, sometimes it’ll never happen. I’m thankful for the love we have and get in return from both of our families.

    That said, Brian, you are hereby TAGGED.

  7. It’s so weird to me that people can’t just be loving. Why does that judgmental crap creep into everything? It tells a lot about the sender’s heart and mind, I think.

    Oh, and Brian, it you do decide to send that card next year, please let me know so I can give you my address. Just know that I’ll be drooling over your boyfriend.

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