Not your typical ladies man

I’ve always loved women. I love the way they smell, look, act and react. I admire their ability to weep at the drop of a hat, yet handle heartache with the strength of an army.

I relate better to women than men, finding them much easier to talk to. I like to flirt with them, too, and my dad says he learned everything about hitting on the opposite sex from me. In fact, for someone who’s never been sexually attracted to females, I’ve had quite a few girlfriends.

Elaine was talk, dark, and mysterious. I fell desperately in love with her one warm, sunny day when my grandparents had a huge outdoor picnic and invited over practically everyone they knew. It didn’t matter that I was only around 7 years old or that she was several years my senior – I was spellbound. I remember following her around the entire day, sitting in her lap, and holding her hand. My tiny heart was broken soon after when it became clear that she really preferred a boyfriend whose lap she could sit in.

Deana became the light of my life a short time later. She was blond, popular, and determined not to fall for my romantic advances. I passed note after note to her with the earnest but overused line, “I like you. Do you like me?” followed by check boxes for “Yes” and “No.” It was always a negative, but sometimes it was just crumpled up and thrown back at me. Embracing the challenge, I never gave up my pursuit of her until I left for another school in the middle of the fourth grade.

Amber was also blond and popular. She had this incredibly annoying habit of switching between her first and middle names from year to year. The “Amber” from last semester now insisted on being referred to as “Dawn.” How could anyone not find that intriguing? I was smitten with everything about her and began emulating one of her most fascinating characteristics – her impeccable penmanship.

Although Amber never showed any interest in me for most of the time that we knew one another, she decided one day that she would wager her heart on a game of chess. If the winner was one person, it belonged to Matt. If it was the other, it belonged to me. Of course, Matt won possession of her devious little heart and I promptly collapsed into tears. Apparently the pity party paid off, because she immediately dumped him and became my girlfriend.

We would laugh and joke about kissing, but her ruby lips never touched mine and it wasn’t long before summer came and we parted ways. I think she changed schools the next year, but I like to fantasize that she is somewhere writing her first and second name in that beautiful script and is happily married to a chess champion.

I had known Sarah my entire life, but I suddenly realized that she was the most beautiful girl on the planet! She resembled an angel with her light-colored hair and porcelain skin. My arch-nemesis was Lamar, and it didn’t help matters that everyone said we looked and acted just alike. Similarities or not, she seemed to like him while having no time for me.

Missy was a feisty little redhead who was at least 3 years older than me. I was in seventh grade and had just had my braces removed when her friend informed me that she liked me. That’s pretty much all it took in those days to make two people an item, and we were together for as long as it took her to realize that I wouldn’t be making any physical advances.

By that time in my life, I was beginning to realize that something about me was a little different from most other guys. I still liked girls, but unlike most of the guys in my age group, I wasn’t the least bit interested in talking them out of their clothes.

So, here I am at almost thirty-four years of age and I’ve never even kissed a girl. I still get crushes on women and every once in a while one gets a crush on me. It’s flattering and a big ego boost, but this is one ladies man who would rather put a girl in a fabulous outfit than take her out of it.

Author: Brian

Blogger. Bookworm. Michael Jackson fanatic. Lives in Kentucky with partner of 12 years and three fabulous felines.

16 thoughts on “Not your typical ladies man”

  1. @ MBMQ: LOL! Thanks for complimenting the new look. I think it’s pretty snazzy.

    @ Lena B: TY.

    @ Karen: Thank you so much! I’m glad you enjoyed it.

    @ Darla: Pucker up! :)

  2. I love it! J tells everyone that if you were straight, we (you and I)would be married.

    Send me an email pronto with the “real” names. LOL.

    At first glance, I was hoping that “Elaine” would be the one and only “Elaine”……..You know? Thou, you know.

  3. I’m a friend of Wendy’s and Moonbeam’s. Just thought I would drop by. I have lost 65 pounds. Maybe when I lose the other 100 pounds (UGH) you can help me find a fabulous outfit. I’ve been wearing jeans and a T-shirt for 30 years. I will definitely need a makeover. Nice post.

  4. MBMQ always beats me to exactly what I want to say, so I’m tempted to just follow her around the blogosphere and comment with “Me too,” or “What MB said,” all the time, like an annoying little sister. Same goes for this post.

    But I did want to add that the best boyfriend I had in junior high and high school was gay. His name was Mark and throughout the years he would ask me to be his girlfriend and I always said yes. This was during the mid-1970s and I know he needed me for self-preservation (from the other boys, including his 12 brothers; he was one of 17 children), he needed to be able to tell people that yes, he really did have a girlfriend and it was me. I don’t think he was kidding anybody at all (he reminds me so much of Jack on Will & Grace), but it didn’t matter because I backed him up and it seemed to stop him from getting beaten up all the time in the locker room. And for my part, I really did adored him. We talked on the phone for hours, shopped endlessly, dissected every movie we saw, and ate fast food like it was our job. He was my on-and-off boyfriend but he was always my friend and I truly did love him even though “our lips never met” beyond a kiss on the cheek. I missed him terribly when after graduation, when he’d finally found his calling as a horse trainer and moved down south to work on the race track circuit. And I was devestated when i found out he died of AIDS three years after graduation. I don’t know why he never called me when he was sick, or even told me he was dying, and the news when I heard it hit me like a brick to the head. He stayed in the South alone, and died, presumably, alone. I still can’t even talk about it really, because it’s baffling and painful and I’ll never have an answer as to why he didn’t contact me.

    My point — and I do have one — is that gay boyfriends can break a woman’s heart just as easily as straight boyfriends can.

  5. Like Wendy, I had a fabulous boyfriend who was gay. He spoiled me rotten, thought I was brilliant, and made me feel very much alive. (I found myself occasionally jealous when he seemed interested in some new gay man; I came to realize that no matter how hard I tried, I could never win out over a penis.)

    We grew apart and eventually lost touch; his dream was to move to NYC and I’m certain he’s there, breaking hearts. My prayer always is that he be happy, healthy, and whole.

    Without intending to, he made it hard for every man to follow: no one can live up to the standard he set. Well, that’s not entirely true; Brian can, but then he’s special!

  6. Wow– this has certainly generated a nice little side trip down memory lane. I love Wendy and Karen’s comments.

    I don’t think I’ll get into discussing the wonderful friendships that I’ve had with gay boys, and later men (including a couple of roommates)over the years, but my life has been much enriched by them. It’s been vitally important to me to have had friends of the opposite sex who appreciated me simply for who I was as a person, and I think the same was true for them.

    What a gift.

  7. @ Alyson: She certainly would.

    @ Joan Harvest: You must have tons of will-power. There’s nothing wrong with jeans and t-shirts as long as you don’t forget the accessories, dahling. :D

    @ Darla: Here’s your big, juicy virtual kiss!

    @ Wendy: What a tragic and heartbreaking story. And more proof that you’re a generous and loving person to have stuck up for a young man who so desperately needed it.

    @ Karen: Sounds like I have rather large shoes to fill. Thanks so much for sharing!

    @ MBMQ: All these comments make my heart just want to burst right out of my chest. They also remind me of a song. I’ll post the video in a minute…

  8. Remember that one summer (’96 I think?) when we went to the movies and dinner every weekend, alone. One of my co-worker’s asked me why I wasn’t dating anyone and I replied, “Why would I want to? I have a guy that takes me out every weekend and we have a blast without having to bother with the whole relationship baggage.”

    Gay boyfriend’s are the best.

Join the conversation!