Ten years ago

Today marks the 10th anniversary of Diana’s death, but I remember this day for an entirely different reason… it was the last time I smoked marijuana.

The first time I smoked it was early in the morning on January 1st, after a New Year’s party. Everyone had left but two friends, and one of them convinced me to try it, explaining that I’d feel nothing at first and then I’d feel really good.

From that point on, anytime I had the opportunity, I’d smoke with them. It was very recreational – maybe once a week or less, but I enjoyed the feeling I got from it. It gave me a means of escape and a sense of euphoria during a time when my life was becoming increasingly complicated. Everything came to a screeching halt the evening Diana died.

After going out for a burger and fries, I went to the home of some friends to relax and watch SNL. A few minutes into the show, an anchor broke in with the news of Diana’s car crash. At first I thought it was some kind of sick joke that SNL was playing on its viewers, and it took several minutes before I realized that the news was real. By the time they announced that Diana was dead, I was riveted to the screen.

Afterwards, still stunned, my friends and I began smoking pot through a water bong and I was intent on getting as high as possible. When one of the guys said he’d had enough, I jokingly called him an “amateur”. That’s when things took a turn for the worse.

I remember sitting in my chair and laughing hysterically for no reason as reality slipped away. I suddenly snapped to as I realized that I was seeing items repeat into infinity, just like in the movies when they try to visualize someone’s drug trip. I felt sheer terror force the adrenalin into my fingertips and I felt completely out of control of my mind and body. I tried to remain calm, but started to panic, thinking that something was terribly wrong. My friends soon realized that I was losing it and tried to help, but didn’t really know what to do other than reassure me that everything would be fine. I decided that a cold shower might snap me out of it and somehow managed to make it to the bathroom, where I stripped and stood under the freezing water. Unfortunately, it didn’t work.

By this time I was probably smack dab in the middle of a full-fledged panic attack – not something that goes well with being high. I was hysterical – crying, praying, pacing the floor. Nausea began to set in and I went outside and vomited on the lawn. Then I began to worry that the burger I’d eaten for dinner might be causing me to be sick and I started begging them to take me to the hospital. They informed me that we’d all be arrested if they did, so that wasn’t an option.

Finally, I decided to lay down and sleep it off. That was the longest night of my life. I’d look at the clock and close my eyes, opening them after what seemed like an eternity to see that only a minute or two had passed. My mind began to torment me with thoughts that I had died and that this was some form of hell, where time had stopped and I would be completely miserable forever. That’s when I promised God that if He’d help me and get me through it, I’d never partake of marijuana again. I’ve kept that promise to this very day.

Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with other people using marijuana recreationally. I would much rather be around a person smoking weed than one who is intoxicated on alcohol and I think it’s hypocritical of our government to keep one legal and the other illegal. I simply decided that I was going to honor the vow that I made to God and I don’t need drugs to enjoy life anyway.

Author: Brian

Blogger. Bookworm. Michael Jackson fanatic. Lives in Kentucky with partner of 12 years and three fabulous felines.

18 thoughts on “Ten years ago”

  1. Holy cow, Brian. Good for you…

    I can recall a moment like that, myself…I understand. It is scary as hell isn’t? Maybe one of the best scares of your life…

  2. Thanks for making yourself so vulnerable. I had a really bad experience too and like you was certain I had gone to hell. Like you, I decided I never needed to do THAT again. It took no willpower,to stick to that pledge, either.

    At least you didn’t need to call your mother like I did! She walked me around my college apartment complex parking lot for about an hour…in her housecoat and slippers. That’s a kind of hellish experience all it’s own; everyone saw us.

  3. Thank you guys for your kind words.

    Karen,

    The image of you walking with your “housecoated and slippered” mother made me laugh! Thanks for sharing.

  4. This is SO my mother. Even last year when she came to the airport to pick me up at 11p.m., she wore a coat over her housecoat and a fuzzy beret on her grey head. I TOLD her to stay in the car but she got out anyway to help me with my bags. She’s cut from different cloth, my ma, but that’s part of why I love her so much.

  5. I never got that far with it. I think the first time I tried it, the stuff was laced. Nothing looked right. Plus, I got nauseous from just two hits. I then tried it years later just to see if it still had that effect. It must’ve been some powerful stuff, because after one hit, I was so nauseous that it felt like my eyes were rotating in my head while the room was on a carousel.

    I agree with you about the legality, though. It’s totally hypocritical that alcohol is legal although it has been proven addictive and deadly both indoors and out, but a drug that makes most people chill out isn’t legal.

  6. I have never tried the stuff, growing up I saw my uncles using the stuff and that was enough for me to know that I didn’t want to try it or be around it.

    I have mixed feelings about it’s usage. I think that people who suffer from extreme illnesses should be able to use it to help relieve some of their pain but as for recreational, I have seen that and I have never seen a positive experience or reaction from it.

    Brian, it was very courageous of you to share your story.
    You are amazing!!!!
    Love Ya, LIZ

  7. What a scary story, Brian! Thanks for sharing it. I agree with your views on legalizing pot. You don’t hear about people smoking it and beating people up, wrecking their cars and shooting their spouses (though you do with alcohol). Most of the people that I’ve known that smoke a lot couldn’t find the motivation to get that angry!

  8. I only tried it once…in high school…sneaking out of a youth event at church, my brother’s friend took me for a ride.

    Good observation Brian, no one has shared a positive story about mj.

    Wow! That was some experience, Brian. Thanks for sharing. Congratulations of 10 years of freedom.

    JimT

  9. Moonbeammcqueen: “You don’t hear about people smoking it and beating people up, wrecking their cars and shooting their spouses (though you do with alcohol).”

    Although it may not be as publicized it does cause people to not use good judgement which can be fatal.

    In February of 2000, I was driving home from work and all of a sudden heard a loud noise and the sound of glass shattering. I immediately slammed on my brakes and sat there for a moment as stared at the pieces of glass from my passanger car window, I thought a deer must have slammed into me. When I got out of the car I heard the most aweful moaning and it was pitch black I couldn’t see anything. However, I knew it was human and the minutes after that was horrifying. To make a long story shorter, the young man was walking on the edge of the road, wearing all dark colors and with his back to traffic and his elbow hit my passenger side mirror and caused his elbow to then hit my window and shattering it.
    He tried to convince me just to take him home, but I knew I couldn’t and noone would stop so I had to go to the nearst house and beg them to use the phone. (this was before cell phones became so popular) Finally someone did stop and took him to the hospital and I waited for the police. Luckly, I had never moved my car and the evidence of my skid marks proved I was driving close to the center yellow line, and he must have been actually walking in the road. The officer told me to meet him at the hospital, I knew nothing about the victim, however, he confessed to smoking pot 2 hrs before with friends and ended up leaving the hospital in handcuffs. He suffered only bruising thankfully, but later he tried to sue me and was denied because of his drug level.
    I suffered nightmares for a long time after that and wouldn’t drive at night for a long time afterwards.

    Just look at Brian’s statement above, he thought he was dying, and wanted to go to the hospital, but noone would take him because of fear of being arrested, what if he had a serious medical illness?

    I think there are very good reasons that it is not legalized. We have enough people already not using good judgement, do we really want even more?

  10. Reading this post got me to thinking about the risks and benefits of marijuana. I could not remember everything I was taught in my high school health class, so I started searching for some credible articles on the Internet. I found this article on the Mayo Clinic website and thought I would share it.

  11. Still Dreaming- What a horrible experience! I’m glad that things turned out okay. It sounds like that fellow was doing more than just smoking pot.

    Honey, the Mayo Clinic’s website is a good one. It lists the pros and cons. Medical marijuana truly does help some people. I’m not a pot smoker myself, but I have known people who’ve smoked for many years and never had a bad experience. And I know a school teacher who never smoked pot until she developed MS, and does get a lot of relief from it. I think the problem comes in when it’s laced with something else. If it was legalized, pot would probably have to go through testing or be subjected to some type of standards, in which case Brian may not of had his bad experience. If he did, his friends could have taken him to the hospital without fear.

    I still agree with Brian when he said, “I have no problem with other people using marijuana recreationally. I would much rather be around a person smoking weed than one who is intoxicated on alcohol and I think it’s hypocritical of our government to keep one legal and the other illegal.”

    Anyway, interesting discussion!

  12. I still agree with Brian when he said, “I have no problem with other people using marijuana recreationally. I would much rather be around a person smoking weed than one who is intoxicated on alcohol and I think it’s hypocritical of our government to keep one legal and the other illegal.”

    I also totally agree with that statement!

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