Well, it’s been an interesting week, that’s for sure. My blog has been noticeably quiet, and I think the time has arrived to address the reason so that I can move on.
I quit my job last Tuesday – the one I had for almost 21 years. It was an incredibly difficult decision, but I made my peace with it and did what I felt I had to do. What could have been a clean break was made a little complicated by the intrusiveness of one of my former coworkers, who decided to send the link to this blog to my employers. I’m relatively certain that I know who this individual is and I’m sure they smiled to my face as they stuck the knife in my back.
What followed was indecisiveness about how to proceed with this space; did I want to continue writing knowing that every word would be scrutinized by people who desired to use my thoughts as a tool against me or did I want to shut it down for good? After agonizing over it for a few days, I’ve decided that I will continue as before.
This site serves as my unlocked diary in many ways, and while my voice may get lost among the millions of other voices screaming to be heard, I am thankful for the availability of this technology and for the privilege of living in a country that values freedom of speech.
My life feels dramatically different and there are moments when I would like to awaken and find it’s all a dream, but I know that change is never easy. The saying “No pain, no gain” comes to mind. I’ve been depressed, I’ve second-guessed myself, and I’ve cried numerous times, but I trust that time will prove this step outside my comfort zone to be rewarding in unimaginable ways.
Que sera, sera.
Whatever will be, will be.
The future’s not ours to see.
Que sera, sera.