Trying to keep my head above water

This isn’t a “pity post” – it’s just an update.

I haven’t been in a good place recently. I’m depressed. I’m sad. I cry all the time. Life in general feels overwhelming.

Depression saps my energy. Regular household chores seem too big an obstacle, so I do as little as possible. My concentration level is virtually nonexistant.

A few mornings ago I stood in the kitchen and held an antidepressant in my hand, contemplating for a moment if it would be worth taking. Did I really want to endure 2-4 weeks of adjustment and all the side effects that might linger indefinitely? Would it really benefit me to take it for a short time, since I was sure to quit once I started feeling better? The answers were clear, so I put the pill back in the package.

I never started going to counseling like I had planned on doing, so I guess I’ll give that a shot. It couldn’t hurt, right?

Author: Brian

Blogger. Bookworm. Michael Jackson fanatic. Lives in Kentucky with partner of 12 years and three fabulous felines.

9 thoughts on “Trying to keep my head above water”

  1. Getting the help you need is the best idea you could do. Hang in there. I speak from personal experience that depression is the worst hell I’ve ever had to face. But you have friends and family that are there to support you and will fight on with you.

    Find a great counselor. They are out there. And let it out (((hugs)))

  2. thanks for the update. you don’t know me but i read your posts religiously and actually do feel a bit sad when you leave. i’ll pray for you:)

  3. watch brainless entertainment comedies and romantic comedies…REMAIN HAPPY…plus whoever recommended u antidepressants …psychiatrist/counselor/physician…ask them to recommend u some stress relieving exercises or u can look em up on internet..they work…spend time with kids…staying happy is the key

  4. I felt the way you do about the anti-d’s in the past. have been through some rather traumatic situations, and dealt with the monster called depression. My mother in her 40’s had 3 different fights with her depression and 3 times she was treated with ECT. She is now 77, and does not deal with the depression in that way any longer. My resistance to meds was complicated by trying them when younger and having major side effects. This past year I have found myself increasingly fighting the days where everything triggers tears, motivation does not exist. I tried the meds again. Different one, and it is working. It does not make everything better (the cause is the fact that my partner of almost 20 years is extremely ill) but it does give me some space to breathe without the intense emotion. Sad still exists, anxiety still exists. But i figure its worth it to do this for a while so I can be the caretaker i need to be.

  5. I’ve been there, Brian. It is hard to live like that, but it doesn’t last forever. The depression might last for several months, but you WILL get better–there will be happier days ahead. Just knowing that made all the difference for me. I still have episodes of depression, but I also have long periods where I’m not depressed! I actually don’t remember most of my senior year of high school because I was being put on so many different antidepressants and the side effects and adjustment periods were TERRIBLE. I was just drugged so much of the time. UGH. I know that antidepressants help some people, but I am honestly better off without them. It’s just a decision you will have to make for yourself, and I wish you the best of luck. I hope you start feeling better soon, and I wish you many happy days ahead (starting now).

  6. Hang in there. I think a lot of people, myself included, have been where you have, although hearing that doesn’t necessarily make it any better. I hope you’ll not be afraid to get the help you need and DESERVE.

  7. Hey Brian, I’ve been there… and I resisted a very long time any steps toward taking care of my mental and physical well-being. No it doesn’t last forever, but sometimes we all need a little hand up… I am hoping you find just the right combo of someone to talk to and possible other stuff… {HUGS}…

  8. Hi Brian, I accidentally came across your site while searching for MJ pictures. Reading your experience with depression, I thought I might add some lines to your comments. Five years ago, I was attacked by major depression (to me, that illness is like a monster, trying to twist my thoughts and pulling me deeper and deeper into its lethal vortex). My husband took me to the psychiatry because I was afraid of my suicidal thoughts. I stayed in the hospital for five weeks. I can hardly recall the first week due to the heavy medication, but the rest of the time was quite positive for me. Officially (to my colleagues), I was in hospital because of a severe gastric disease…
    Ever since that time, I’m taking my medication regularly, but at the smallest possible dose. It took about 10 days to lift me up again. As I don’t have any bad side effects, I am not tempted to quit the meds. But it’s the third medication my psychiatrist gave me, the first two made me extremely tired. And I had a very good counselor who talked to me normally and without taking notes all the time.
    Sorry, I didn’t want to write so much ;)
    What I’m trying to say is: There are good counselors out there, just keep on searching. If you don’t feel good about the counselor, try a new one until you find the right person. And about the meds – I feel that mine doesn’t change or affect my personality at all, it just keeps me free of the depression.

    Do whatever helps you to LIVE again.

    Hugs from Germany :)

  9. Sooooooo, I have depression and Seasonal Affective Disorder (Seattle Weather Sucks) without meds or a SAD Light I would have no life and stay in bed 24/7. Don’t knock the meds…find one that works for you. For me it’s the difference between staying in bed or leading a semi-productive life. It means going from NOT WANTING to go out into the dreary rainy Seattle outdoors & going…”So what, it’s raining? I’m ready to go”. Meds mean that I get to choose how my day looks and NOT letting Depression get it’s grips on me and pull me below my baseline. I WON’T LET MY DEPRESSION DROWN ME.
    F.U. Depression:)

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