Blogbits

Windowgate 2011 – The newest set of windows are installed and look fantastic! This installer seemed to really know what he was doing, and even though we went with the same window brand the second time around, they were sized correctly and the house is even quieter.

Kindle – Honey gave me a Kindle e-reader for my birthday last week, and he was really happy to actually be able to surprise me for once. I absolutely adore the thing. The first book I chose to download is currently in the top spot on Amazon – Water for Elephants. The writing is brilliant, so I’m wondering how the recently-released movie bearing the same name will compare. Books are typically much better, aren’t they?

Birthday – We celebrated my birthday so many times over the past week that I’m a little scared to get on the scales, but I felt very loved throughout the various lunches, dinners, and parties. I am fortunate to be surrounded by such wonderful people.

Tick-tock

I turned 37 this week. It was, without a doubt, the most difficult birthday that I’ve had thus far. Tears were falling when I went to bed the night before, and still streaming down my cheeks as I drove to work the next morning. Nothing had happened to upset me, but this anniversary of my birth caused me to reflect on my life in ways that I found uncomfortable and depressing.

We all have an idea of how we think our life will go – sort of a road map for getting from youth to old age. Most of us follow a path that closely resembles those taken by our parents. Education, a career, marriage, children, grandchildren, retirement, growing old with someone we love. I realized early on that my life would be much different than that of my parents, my sibling, and my friends. I thought I was okay with that, but the older I get the more I feel that I’m missing out on some of the amazing experiences that so many people take for granted.

I worry that I will die childless and alone. It torments me that at the age of thirty-seven I’m still not married and don’t have any children. When I first met my partner back in 2005, I remember telling him that I firmly believed gay marriage would be a reality within five years. Wishful thinking on my part. I am beginning to wonder if we will ever be able to get legally married in our lifetime.

I read once that a person becomes aware of their homosexuality and infertility simultaneously. Where straight couples might “accidentally” discover themselves expecting a child, same-sex partners understand that reproduction will be virtually impossible. Regardless of the various available options, it really pisses me off that no matter how much time and money we spend trying to expand our family, I will never be able to look at our child and see a combination of our features. Our child might have Honey’s chin or my eyes, but it won’t have both. Not that those things really even matter, but there has to be an element of comfort in knowing part of you will live on in your children long after you’ve left this world.

It still amazes me that people think homosexuality is a choice. As if anyone in their right mind would choose a life so full of hardship, despair, and disappointment. Even so, I know that I am one of the lucky ones. I have an amazing man to share my life with – someone who knows my faults and loves me in spite of them. I have a great job, a lovely place to live, and some truly wonderful friends.

I would just love to have a little person to share it all with, to spoil rotten, to chase around the yard, and to cherish unconditionally. Maybe one day…

Goings on

Windowgate 2011 continues. We have a new company lined up to remove the existing windows and install replacements as soon as the windows are ready. We currently have plastic over the two windows that leaked. It keeps the rain out, but also makes us look a little like “white trash.” Seeing how this is Kentucky, I’m sure most people don’t even notice.

Speaking of rain, we have had more of the wet stuff than you can imagine. We missed most of the bad storms here, although we spent plenty of time in the storm shelter due to an onslaught of tornado warnings. Several inches of rain fell last week and more is falling now. The area rivers are spilling over their banks, but most of them haven’t even crested yet. Homes in and around the flood plains are either sandbagged or flooded, so I am very happy to be living on a hill in a dry home… even if there is plastic on the windows.

We went to see Beth Hart in Nashville on Thursday night, where she was performing her first of two sold-out shows at 3rd & Lindsley. We got there just before 5pm, and were surprised to see people already in line since the doors didn’t open until six. Once inside, we headed straight for the balcony and grabbed an excellent spot right in front of the stage. The place is rather small, so our vantage point was probably 20 feet from Beth’s piano. Three hours later, she was belting out songs over a very enthusiastic crowd. I didn’t know I could become more of a fan, but somehow I did.

Saturday marked six years together for Honey and me. I found a dozen roses and a beautiful card on the counter when I got home from work – and immediately burst into tears. I love that out of all of the possible contenders in the world, he has chosen to spend his life with me.