Out of sight and mind

I don’t like neighbors. At least not the ones I currently have. They are nosy and intrusive and encamped around me like an invading army.

I firmly believe the best kind of neighbor is one who is out of sight and out of mind. That may sound silly to those of you who live in subdivisions and apartment buildings, but when I discovered this place its main appeal was the privacy. I loved that the nearest house was almost out of sight, and I reveled in the fact that I didn’t have to worry about how I looked when I went out to work in the yard or who would see me if I peed off the back porch.

Things have certainly changed.

Over the past year, a new house has sprung up just across the field beside us, and because our house sits at an angle to the road, the front of our house faces the back porch of the new house. And the neighbor seems to spend more time on the porch than she does inside her home. And the chair she sits in conveniently points in our direction.

Last week, another couple started getting things ready to put a home practically in our backyard. Even though they own several acres, they have chosen to place their new house as close to our property line as possible, with a 600 ft. driveway leading from the main road.

Because of where they are placing their home, we are losing pretty much all of our remaining privacy. Our back patio will now be plainly visible from their front windows, and it feels like I am back in the same situation I was in when we lived in a subdivision.

As if adding insult to injury, they had the gall to ask if we would mind cutting down five mature pine trees so they could have their new electric line run across our property instead of on theirs. (We said we minded.)

All of this is why I am so relieved we were able to find a very gorgeous, very private piece of property. The lot is much larger than the one we have now, and it is almost completely surrounded by mature woods. We intend to place our home in the center of the acreage so that we never have to worry about neighbors being anywhere close to us.

And I’ll be able to pee off the back porch as often as I want.

Just passing through

In just a few days we will have been living in this house for an entire year. Time flies. There have been so many nights that I’ve laid in bed asking myself if moving was the right decision, but when I get up the next morning and glance out the window at the gorgeous surroundings, I know things are just as they should be.

This house felt very foreign to me a year ago. Signing the papers and getting the keys didn’t erase the decades of memories that you could literally feel when you stepped through the door. Months later, the 70’s wallpaper and pink carpet are gone, but I can still feel Bessie’s presence while caring for the flowers that she planted everywhere in the yard. I have a sense of seeking her approval as I move sprouting bulbs to more convenient locations – always hoping that she understands my respect for the living things she nurtured so many years ago.

While living at my last home, one of my neighbors passed away unexpectedly after surgery. His daughter moved into the vacant house shortly after, and it wasn’t long before she walked over one evening to offer me a pair of her dad’s rubber boots. I tried them on and they fit perfectly. I always think of him when I put them on, and I like getting the opportunity to “walk a mile in another man’s shoes.” I often wear them while working in the yard here, and I can’t help but think about how I’m wearing Hayden’s shoes while tending to Bessie’s flowers. We are all connected, aren’t we?

We used to sing a song in church when I was a kid that said, “This world is not my home; I’m just a’passing through.” As bad as I hate to admit it, this house is just a temporary dwelling place. Just like Bessie, I’ll be leaving it one day soon. I can only hope that a little bit of my spirit will still linger in the springtime flowers and the blooming trees, and that the next person who calls this place home will love and enjoy it as much as I have.

Comfort zone

I held my breath; I stepped outside and let the change begin.
I took a step and with new strength I’d never felt before,
I kissed my comfort zone goodbye and closed and locked the door.
– from a poem titled “My Comfort Zone,” author unknown

Change is never easy, however, I would be hard pressed to point out times in my life when I’ve taken a risk and not been rewarded in the long run. Knowing that still doesn’t make those first few steps any easier. In fact, the older I get, the harder it is to make potentially life-altering decisions.

We are currently in the process of buying another home. Moving was the last thing on my mind a couple of months ago, but I apparently got the fever after looking at the house I discussed in an earlier post. I discovered one that looked much more promising on a realtor’s webpage, figured it would be worth a drive-by, and promptly fell in love.

I couldn’t wait to tell Honey about it, and he also really liked it. Although it is only two and a half miles off the highway, it feels like it’s in the middle of nowhere. It sits on over 4.5 acres, has no close neighbors, and there’s even an old-fashioned red barn! I would be living the same distance from work, but we would be a bit closer to the city where we drive for church and leisure.

Although this house won’t require near as much remodeling as the first house we looked at, it will need quite a bit of updating. We love the floor plan, but the interior is still sporting a 1970’s look – complete with pink tile in the bathroom and floral print wallpaper in the kitchen. Nothing we can’t correct with enough time, money, and willpower.

As excited as I am about the possibilities, it feels a little bittersweet knowing that we would be leaving our wonderful neighbors. Even though Mrs. J no longer lives alone, I was terribly anxious about breaking the news to her. We procrastinated as long as we could, but we wanted to make sure that we told her before our current home was listed and a “For Sale” sign went up in the front yard. We told her Monday evening, and she took the news surprisingly well. We assured her that we would only be 5 minutes away and available anytime she needs us.

In the meantime, I’m sitting on pins and needles. I’m excited about the prospect of buying a fabulous piece of property, but I’m also apprehensive about the changes that are going to take place in our lives. Honey describes his feelings as “unsettled.” I’m sure we will both feel that way for a while, but trust that we will come to love and cherish the new home just as much as the one we have now.

Facebook has an application called “Gods Wants You to Know…” that I have seen several of my friends using. During the process of making the decision and negotiating all the details, I decided to try it out for the first time. This is what it said: “On this day, God wants you to know that all is well. All is going according to plan. Trust that there is a bigger picture. Trust that life is unfolding as it should.”

As cheesy as it sounds, somehow that made me feel better.


I took our neighbor to the emergency room yesterday evening – the second time in a month and both times from falling. The fall a few weeks ago required a CT scan and staples in her scalp. This tumble wasn’t as serious, but she has three cuts (one into muscle) and a very sore hip.

Neighbor lives with her son and I’ve discussed my feelings about him here before. While I don’t feel quite as negative about him as I did in the beginning, I do still have a problem with the way he talks to his mother. She has difficulty hearing, so he barks at her in a very loud, condescending tone. This behavior was in full force when we went over to get her off the floor and prepare her for the trip to the hospital.

Once we were alone, I asked her if she liked having him living with her. She thought a moment before saying, “It’s alright. I guess it’s just hard to live with someone when you’ve been used to living by yourself.”

One of the things that bothers me so badly is the feeling of helplessness that we have since Sonny moved in. She used to rely on us to help manage her decreasing mobility – by moving furniture around, performing chores that she shouldn’t attempt, etc. Now, the freedom to do those things just isn’t there.

To provide an example, the reason her arm was punctured this evening was because the handles on her kitchen cabinet doors are very old fashioned and have sharp edges protruding from each end. She said she literally had to lift her arm up off of the handle after falling. This is the second time over the last few months that she has fallen and cut herself on the kitchen cabinets.

After seeing the damage last night, I suggested the handles be replaced with something that has a rounded edge. If this had happened a couple of years ago, we would have taken this task on ourselves. Now, with Sonny around, the dynamics of our relationship have changed so much that all we can do is step back and hope he makes the right decisions to protect his mother from harm.


Neighbor – She’s in the hospital again. We’ve been staying with her at night and her niece has been sitting with her during the day. She seems to be fine at the moment, but will have some tests ran on Monday to see what is causing problems with her digestive system.

School – Honey starts back to college next week. He’s finally settled on a career choice – teaching math. Since it’s one of my least favorite subjects, maybe there is some truth to the whole “opposites attract” argument.

Facebook – I started using the site a few weeks ago despite my negative feelings about social networking. Although I have enjoyed getting back in touch with one of my old friends from school, I’m already considering deactivating my account. Part of me wants to reunite with former acquaintances, but the other part wants to leave the past behind.


Debt – As of yesterday, I am officially free of credit card debt! I had over $6000 of charges racked up this time last year, so the relief I feel is exquisite.

Cats – I cannot stand having pets in the house. Don’t get me wrong… I love my cats, but life has become a constant cycle of lint rollers, cleaning up cat vomit, and scooping litter boxes. I’m beginning to think that it’s really not worth all the effort.

The Strangers – This was one of the most suspenseful, terrifying movies that I’ve ever seen. I screamed so loud that we were afraid the neighbors might call the police.

Neighbor – Our 90-year-old neighbor took an ambulance ride to the emergency room last night because she was feeling really bad. Turns out the bottom number of her blood pressure was only eighteen! This resulted in her temporarily losing her vision, but after a full checkup and some fluids, she was able to return home around 1 o’clock this morning.

Wal-Mart Sucks – I know I shop at WM way too much, but what other alternatives do I have in this pathetic town? Anystore, I found a bed-in-a-bag set that I really liked and bought it last night. Today, after washing the sheets twice with fabric softener to get them nice and comfy, I discovered that a Wal-Mart “queen” must be a completely different size than anywhere else. The sheets wouldn’t even begin to fit on our bed.